Reading
Add Comment
It’s been a while since I last writing on this platform, so…
Hi.
Tee hee. It’s been 7 months, eh? So many has happened in my
life, whether they are pleasing or bitter, amusing or sour. But I do try to
enjoy all kind of occasions happened to me, since I don’t know which ones that
good for me. Halah bacot.
Let’s get enough with classic cliché that usually mumbled
out from an overachiever’s mouth, then. The real reason why I write this is, I’ve
sent myself to the time where I contemplate my past choices and their correlation
to where I stand, now. Ketika hal – hal yang terjadi disekitar gue ngebikin gue
berpikir, dan merenung, dan merenung. Untuk kemudian menemukan diri gue sendiri
kecewa dengan apa yang gue capai hari ini. Meskipun beberapa hal berhasil
ngebikin gue tersenyum bangga, tapi basic tone dari perenungan gue ini adalah
kekecewaan.
Gue anggap itu tanda bagus karena complacency itu lebih
berbahaya, nenek yang bilang loh. Hey hey hey hey.
Let my words flashes time back to a couple of weeks ago, where
I had my internship at one of the most ambitious flyover project at Jakarta,
judged from its target of mass diversion between transportation modes: Jalan
Layang Khusus Busway Ciledug Tendean.
At first, there are air of enthusiasm – and a bit of naivety
– flowing. It is always pleasing to get a taste of new environment, observing
new stuff where questioning things are acceptable.
For a while, I felt like being kid again.
Pernah ga sih ngeliat bocah yang naik motor bareng ayahnya, terus dibonceng di bangku depan? Mata berbinar, kekaguman terlihat di mata mereka?
Pernah ga sih ngeliat bocah yang naik motor bareng ayahnya, terus dibonceng di bangku depan? Mata berbinar, kekaguman terlihat di mata mereka?
Saat itu, gue ngeliat diri gue di sosok seperti mereka.
Meskipun gak gue tunjukkin, jaim, shy, dan hal hal terkait malu malu kemaluan
yang gue pikir. Sebuah keputusan lain yang gue sesali, ternyesel 2016 lah.
Time went on, and it is only repetition of work that took
place. I started to slow my rhythm, my awareness, and the worst: I let the air
of enthusiasm fade away. Hal yang mudah gue lakukan mengingat gue emang ga menunjukkan kalo diri gue seantusias yang gue
rasakan.
Boring, I thought. A thought that I regretted now, as I learned
the lesson that I cannot let boredom as
a reason to lower my enthusiasm. In fact, i cannot let ANYTHING as a reason to
do that.
Whilst i still pleased to learn a massive amount of new
knowledge about technical, contractual, even managerial stuff, I failed to
satisfy myself in the area that matters the most: self-development. I saw
myself not giving my best at every occasion, back then. Gue gagal nunjukin
antusiasme gue, gagal naikin work rate gue, gagal naikin tingkat inisiatif gue.
The fact is, my mentor* made it clear to show me about those failure, in the
last night of my internship. Not the warmest of goodbye though, but I’m really
glad he did.
Because disappointments drive me to do better next time. And
knowing that you disappointed people who gave you chances, is something more.
The harder the pill that I swallow, the greater the effects, I hope.
And I’m currently working on the effects to come through.
Hope everything went well.
(* I thought ‘mentor’
as an acceptable terms to called the person who I intern for, anyway)
This writing serves the noble cause of improving my happiness, mental health, and let my contemplation well-documented. I expect myself to write on this platform in the next month or so.
This writing serves the noble cause of improving my happiness, mental health, and let my contemplation well-documented. I expect myself to write on this platform in the next month or so.
0 comments:
Posting Komentar